For years and years and years (and probably years) I've been saying I wanted to come up with a sane and healthy work schedule. To find that balance between creativity and productivity--which are not always the same thing.
And year after year I have failed to do that. Which has resulted in burnout (TWICE! YIKES) and a reputation for missing deadlines (which once would have been flipping unthinkable).
And still I couldn't seem to figure out a way to...well, get everything done and still have time for anything resembling a normal life. In fact, never mind the "time for anything resembling a normal life," because that wasn't even a consideration. Basically I couldn't seem to figure out how to get everything done. Because when you're running a publishing empire by your lonesome there is a LOT OF EVERYTHING that has to be dealt with.
It's not that I didn't have help. God bless all my moderator-friends (they're pretty much the only reason I still have a presence on social media). And I did periodically have help from a succession of "Eves." The Evies were great but A - I really need someone onsite for at least part of the time and B - I'm a total control freak and it's very hard to ever let anything out of my hands, oh and C - The old trap of I-Don't-Have-Time-To-Teach-You-All-This-It's-Faster-If-I-Do-It-Myself.
I had two speeds: panic and crashing. Unsurprisingly, I started to get sick. A lot. I'm sure it didn't help that as my stress and anxiety mounted, I became increasingly terrible about my eating habits and my exercise.
I'm honestly not sure how this would have ended if it had not been for the pandemic.
The pandemic (and escalating anxiety about the election) triggered--well, honestly, I'm not even sure because I was already heading for burnout. But basically I couldn't write for ten months. I did manage toward the end to complete a short story, and that was a great sign. That was a sign I was coming out of it, and thank God for that.
(And yes, thank God that between my dear Patrons and my backlist, I was still able to support us even while not being able to support us--our health insurance alone is over $2000. a month. )
I'm not saying the pandemic was a good thing or that I'm happy about it, but it did force me to reevaluate, and I'm trying very hard to be conscientious about well, eating properly and working out even when I can't swim and creating a reasonable work schedule. I'm currently trying to take weekends off. I feel guilty as hell about it, but I think it's one reason I'm loving writing Mystery at the Masquerade so much. And I am! I'm now in the final third of the book, it will come out this month, and I LOVE it. I think it's the best of the three so far.
OH. I have to digress. I received a nastygram from a reader this week complaining that he was tired of waiting for Mystery at the Masquerade and I shall darken his bookshelf no more. And of course I wrote and tried to apologize and explain--you know, I hate that I have missed so many deadlines that I've now become notorious; this is not something I'm happy about or okay with, I know it's a problem, which is why I'm trying hard to create a realistic work schedule. Anyway, after I emailed him I realized WHAT THE HELL the book was originally scheduled for May 2021 and I'm trying to push it FORWARD. :-D :-D :-D I mean, it's bad enough without yelling at me for the books that AREN'T late. This one is coming in nearly three months early. :-D
Anyway.
The other helpful thing happening in my life is I have a new Eve, and it's a match made in heaven (She's my niece and she's taking a break from college.) So I have a new schedule, a new diet (Yes! We're learning to "eat clean" which is...hard BUT we're already seeing the benefits) and help. I HAVE HELP. And I'm even trying to take advantage of that.
So this is a long and winding way of explaining that I know there has been a problem with my book releases--I own it--and I'm doing my best to fix it. But more to the point, I'm happier and healthier than I have been in literally years, which is a terrific way to start 2021. I even created an Inspiration Board, so what does THAT tell you? ;-)
Here's a mystery for you: I SWEAR I've checked this blog since February 5th, and definitely since January 29th, and yet I didn't see either of the last two posts until today. Blogspot glitch, or time-traveling werewolves? Who can say? Anyway, I'm so excited for Mystery at the Masquerade, as Secrets & Scrabble is my favorite series of yours since Adrien English, and to hear it's coming out this month is WONDERFUL news. And so good to hear that you're doing better :)
ReplyDeleteHa! You're right. I had started this post but then finished it, so when I pressed publish I left it at its original intended date. TO EVERY MYSTERY THERE IS A SOLUTION. :-D
DeleteLOL! I had the same thought! I thought I'd had some sort of blackout except that all the regular "meh" stuff still happened. 😃
DeleteIt just pisses me off that people seem to think you should write on their time schedule. Okay, so you miss a deadline. It happens. Sometimes it seems to happen a lot. But there is no dictating when or where your creativity is going to come or disappear. Is it disappointing? Sure it is, but it's not a life altering event. If that is the worst problem that he has, he's in good shape. If he's willing to give up reading the best author in the M/M world, well, then he needs more help than you can give him anyway. Life is full of things to worry about, your deadlines is not one of them. I say this as someone who waiting a LONG time for my book. <3 <3 Just keep moving forward. Love you, writer girl.
ReplyDeleteLOL. You tell 'em, M! <3 <3 <3
ReplyDeleteBut the thing is, I get it. It is disappointing when something you're looking forward to gets delayed. And keeps getting delayed. And maybe even gets cancelled. That's no fun.
But no author ENJOYS cancelling a book. No author LIKES not getting paid. No author LIKES making readers angry.
When an author delays a book--and I'm not just talking about me, I'm talking about any and all authors who have to push back a release date--that author has run into a problem. It's that simple. Books are delayed because authors run into problems. Sometimes the problems are of their own making. Sometimes they're not.
Why be the person who dumps on someone who is already having trouble? That's the part that puzzles me because I think we all like to believe that WE are the kind of person who is there for people. That WE are not the kind of person who kicks someone when they're down.
But...if you're that guy, you're THAT guy.
Then again, if you're THAT guy, I guess you need our understanding as much as we would appreciate yours. ;-)
I'm really easygoing, go with the flow blah blah. But it NEVER FAILS that on the rare occasion I get really ticked off it's over something that isn't really even what I'm mad about. Does that make sense? So then I'm apologizing and agonizing and it's just draining. Since Josh is willing to be gracious, maybe this guy had one of THOSE blow-ups. Like, maybe he was actually mad because his cat started yacking and then ran from the room with the vinyl floor to be sure and vomit in the room with the light-colored carpet.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Sometimes a little thing is just THE LAST STRAW. We've all been there.
DeleteYes, me again. The important part of your post, Josh, is that you're feeling healthier, happier, enjoying writing again, and looking forward! 2020 and January 2021 were TOXIC. I have all the kudos in the world for anyone who has made it through that ash to rise and create. That's wonderful- and wonderful for all of us. And working with your niece!! ❤ ❤ Like Zell,I also love Secrets and Scrabble stories like a dear friend. I'm SO excited! I know it bothers you when things don't work out but I'm pretty sure the vast majority of your fans care about your well-being and understand that sometimes the plan changes. I'm afraid you're stuck with me for the duration! Thanks for making us happy!
ReplyDeleteI will take you gladly! :-D And thank you. It is such a relief to feel normal again. Even though things are not exactly normal yet. Every day I feel more like my old self.
DeleteHappy news all the way around!
DeleteYes, what Binkabunny said. :) I certainly join them in being glad that you're feeling better in various ways. And gosh, yes, 2020 and January 2021 were *so* bad.
DeleteAlso joining in the "Thanks for making us happy!" :D
Well said Josh.... and nice job taking the high road, to be honest it’s where you want to be. Besides, aren’t you in good company, and doing better than most, .....Diana Gabaldon (outlander) takes 3 to 7 years for a next book... and I bet we never get the last book in the Games of Thrones series 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
ReplyDeletePeople like me are why I prefer to read series when they're complete--and the same with TV. :-D I saw an interview with Neil Gaiman where he said that trying to write during the pandemic was like trying to write in a room with a bomb in one corner and a poisonous snake in the other. And to that I would add, while working on a manual typewriter from the 1920s. :-D But I felt relieved afterwards to know it wasn't just me unable to find the words.
DeleteTo be blunt, people like this guy should just remember that writers are just regular people too and face the same issues as everybody else. And sometimes they just can't deliver because of that.
ReplyDeleteI'm rally glad to know you're feeling better and more optimistic and I hope we all learned something to make our lives better during the pandemic (me? I realized I love cooking so no more ready-to-eat bad food and only good homemade meals!) It's maybe also up to every one of us to look up and find our silver lining ;)