Friday, September 18, 2020

Five Things I've Learned from Watching True Crime

 

I HATE THE NEW BLOGGER

I'm not sure why watching shows about people murdering each other is somehow less distressing right now than watching the news--maybe because the body count is so much lower on Dateline?

Whatever, I've definitely noticed a pattern of behaviors that I'm going to watch for moving forward. ;-D I don't mean in real life--I'm not planning on killing anyone, let alone becoming an amateur sleuth--but these are good reminders for writing crime fiction.


1 - The louder and more hysterical the person reporting the crime is, the more likely THEY are the killer. Especially if the person on the phone is a spouse. Talk about Bad Actors. In every sense of the word. Maybe it's because genuine shock often leaves people seeming weirdly cold and detached rather than, as might seem reasonable, screaming and hysterical. 

Also, addressing the victim while on the phone with the 911 operator is almost always a giveaway. 

"Oh Gina, Gina. Darling! Noooooo. Breathe!!"

YOU DID IT AND WE ALL KNOW YOU DID IT.

 

2 -  There is the exact same breakdown of skill and talent on any given police force as there is in any given office anywhere. You know how Beth (we'll call her Beth) never wants to refund customers to whom she recommended the wrong product? Well, if Beth were a cop--and she occasionally is--Beth would be the kind of cop who just goes with the first and obvious suspect and doesn't bother to run that DNA test. And eventually, twenty years later, Caren gets assigned to Cold Cases, runs the DNA, and discovers the wrong person has been sitting in jail for decades. 

WHOOPSIE.

Seriously, it's mind-blowing how often stuff falls through the cracks. But then it's mind blowing how many orders get dropped at my local coffee house. Despite the life or death stakes, a police force is only as good as its weakest barista.


3 - WHAT THE HELL WITH ALL THE MURDEROUS PASTORS??!!! 


4 -  Children will forgive (or blank-out) just about anything evil their parents do--including one parent murdering another--UNTIL THEY HAVE THEIR OWN KIDS. It's kind of fascinating to see how often this one plays out. Of course, it does kind of make sense given the fact that none of us really pay close attention to anything until we're about thirty. *cough* 

HEY, DAD, I JUST REMEMBERED MOM'S PURSE IS STILL SITTING IN THE BASEMENT ON TOP OF THAT TRUNK BEHIND THE AX DISPLAY...


5 - What is the aversion to divorce?! You don't want to share custody of the kids or pay alimony or split the DVD collection, so instead you KILL the person you've been sharing scrambled eggs with for the last ten years and risk losing everything. EVERYTHING. Because even an entire police force made of baristas knows the spouse is the #1 suspect. Even Beth can solve this one. Would it really have been so bad to have to divvy everything up fair and square? Worse than years of prison food and orange jumpsuits--not to mention you still have to pay lawyers fees? 

Yeesh.


What about you? Do you watch true crime? Do you have a favorite show? Do you have any true crime insights? 

6 comments:

  1. We watch a lot of crime shows because it's one of the few things that we'll all watch together. I can't remember the names of any of the shows we watch, I'll watch pretty much anything that has closure. But I particularly like the one that gives you different suspects and you try to figure out which one did it. I am Beth. I am not a good detective. I almost never guess the right one, but by golly, someone is going to the pokey!

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  2. #1 reminds me of that Roald Dahl story, "Lambs to the Slaughter," as [not really a spoiler but continue at your own risk] Mary Maloney rehearses her responses in the mirror until she gets it right.

    My grandfather used to tell me "Lambs to the Slaughter" as a bed-time story when I was just a tiny tyke, and my grandmother's bookshelf was stuffed with Agatha Christie and John Dickson Carr. I'd say that therefore, I never had a chance to be "normal," but oddly enough the mystery bug skipped a generation and missed my father entirely. He was 100% a classic science fiction man. While I like Asimov and Ray Bradbury (funny that they both wrote mysteries too), the appeal of Robert Heinlein eludes me.

    I see I'm "off-topic" but I don't really have any true crime insights. I don't watch true crime on TV, although I have read a few of the classics ("In Cold Blood"; "The Devil in the White City").

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  3. I've been watching a lot of "Forensics Files" and for some reason totally unexplainable have become hooked on "Hoarders". My only insight on true crime is that these shows have been on for years, don't the bad guys ever watch them? You'd think they'd have it all figured out by now.

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  4. I gave up on TV so no "True Crime" for me (though I know now how to play it if I ever murder someone and then call the police. Thank you XD) But I've always wondered how to make the perfect crime - just in case ;) - and until now the best solution still seems poisoning with Oleander. Because it's higly toxic but the nice thing is that the toxic element disappears quite quickly from the organism leaving only the chemicals of classical Laurel that it used in cooking. So you cook a nice dish with plenty of laurel leaves, serve your plate, add the right amount of oleander leaves and serve your victim's plate. And you can keep your DVD collection :D

    But in reality I've never came closer to a real crime than playing the victim in a movie. No suspicious death at all around me and I'd like to keep it this way :P

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  5. All excellent points - especially the last one! We're actually a little concerned by how many true crime shows we watch. "Homicide Hunter" with retired detective Joe Kenda was our hands-down favorite. It just ended it's run. Kenda was supposed to start a new series, but @!**# COVID. Along with the murderous pastors are an alarming number of murderous grandchildren!

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  6. We've reached a mutual agreement not to murder should we ever tire of each other. Too much effort. And hubby points out that I hate housework too much to create a crime scene I'd have to clean up. So true.

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