IF ONLY.
I've been putting off posting an update because I honestly wasn't sure what to say. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, philosophically (?!) I've been all over the map for the last six weeks or so. I'd feel a surge of creative energy, start work, and shortly after fall into... I hate to say depression because, for one thing, depression doesn't even cover it.
Anger--so much anger--frustration, anxiety, and yes, depression. Which has played out in a kind of inertia. Inertia and indifference.
I REALLY DON'T CARE, DO U?
I REALLY DON'T CARE, DO U?
Except I do care. Hence the anger verging on rage.
Which you might think would be great for fueling creative energy, but turns out to be merely exhausting.
I mean, I started out the pandemic in a fairly calm state of mind. ("Calm" being relative.) I got tons of writing business stuff done, and I wasn't too worried about the lack of creative drive because I felt confident that would return once I got all the busyness done. Buuuuuut... Not so much.
So here we are at the start of September--ARE YOU KIDDING ME???--and I haven't published since April. That is not good. That is very, very bad.
And, while I'm starting to feel a bit more optimistic again, a bit more creative, I know my anxiety will ratchet up the closer we get to flu season and the election and the holidays. I've already had to mostly cut myself off from watching the news, and my nightly CBD oil intake verges on industrial strength.
There are five projects I would like to finish before the end of the year--and four months to do them in. This is all doable provided nobody moves, nobody blinks, nobody breathes too loudly. I'm feeling more like my normal self, but I want to be very cautious about committing to anything. For obvious reasons.
Which is a very long way of saying I'm okay and I'm working again and I think everything is going to work out.
Really. :-)
I totally understand. As an actress with health issues, I can't do my beloved job with the pandemia (social distancitation on a set? Not really happening) which is so frustrating. So I'm trying to go on with the creativity flow in my kitchen. But for that, I need to cut myself from social medias, TV and other bringers of bad news. We need a bit of peace and zen at home to go on and keep working (with both meanings).
ReplyDeleteSo dont hesitate to cut yourself from all the toxic news and just focus on what YOU need.
I know you will nail it. Good luck with the return of your muse. <3
HUGS
ReplyDeleteI completely sympathize with you. I’m doing a similar dance. Just take care of you first. ❤️
ReplyDeleteIt can only get better. We just have to get through this next few months and we’ve made it so far. Stay calm and wait, we’re not going anywhere and we’re all waiting with you. Talent like yours has no timeline, hang in there 😃
ReplyDeleteIf your anger is only verging on rage, then you're ahead of me! But I'll resist my soapbox and just say I'm glad things seem to be leveling out and you're feeling better. Stay healthy, be safe, and I know we're all excited by your projects. 😊 If you still need to dial them back, we get it. Your true fans aren't going anywhere.
ReplyDeleteI stay away from the news, too. It's crazy-making. Hang in there, kiddo.
ReplyDeleteThis article was very informative to me: https://elemental.medium.com/your-surge-capacity-is-depleted-it-s-why-you-feel-awful-de285d542f4c
ReplyDeleteI have to cut down on news-watching periodically and watch videos of puppies or sea otters, which are far more relaxing. (The sea otters are on the Monterey Bay Aquarium cams. Possible service-dogs-to-be puppies are on explore.org's "Dog Bless Us" section.)