Friday, June 25, 2021

The Dreadful Day

 


I haven't been online for a few days, and I need to explain why--partly because I'm still trying to process what happened. This is not an excuse for being behind--I was already behind on a number of things.

Thursday morning I was working in my downstairs office and I heard screaming from the house behind ours. For those of you who follow me on Facebook, yes, this is the house where several years ago the lady got locked out by her then two-year-old, and where two years ago, they set the palm tree behind our house on fire with their barbecue and then proceeded to scream and accuse each other (husband and wife, that is) instead of trying to put the fire out. (The fire was put out by me and other neighbors.)

The husband has a horrendous temper--at least by the sound of it. He's always screaming and cursing at the kids and at the wife. That's a kind of abuse, but it doesn't mean he's dangerous per se. Just...unpleasant. Certainly, an unpleasant neighbor. Maybe he's a great guy otherwise. I wouldn't know.

But when I heard her screaming, I thought they were fighting again, so I stopped and listened for a minute, and I thought she sounded more terrified than usual. I thought I heard her scream, "No, no, no." And I could hear the kids screaming (they have three little boys and a little girl).

I got up and went to the glass door which opens onto the backyard and listened--I heard one of the little boys cry, "Oh God, help us."

I ran to the back wall, which is chest high, and called, "What's wrong? What's happening?" 

But he was gone. I could hear them further inside the house, and they were still screaming--I couldn't understand what they were saying (the parents are Armenian, I believe). So I called out again, "What's happening? What's wrong?" 

I was trying to decide whether to call 911 as a domestic, and as I looked around their yard, a flash of pink caught my eye. I thought it was a pool toy. I looked again and it was the baby daughter at the bottom of the pool. 

That image is burned into my brain. I don't think I will ever be able to forget that. 

She was on the bottom in her little pink pajamas. No movement, no bubbles, the wrong color--I could see it all.

I ran inside and called 911 and then I ran back, still talking to 911 and began to scream, "Get her out of the pool, get her out of the pool!" Screaming over and over. To nobody.

One of the little boys ran out and I yelled, "Can you swim? Get her out of there!"

He jumped in and dragged her out, and I told him to get her on her side--and at that point the mother and the other kids poured out of the house. She was on the phone--to her husband, I believe--and she began to beg me to climb the wall and help her. I waved the phone and said, "I'm on the phone with 911. I'm going to talk you through." She kept begging me to come and help her.

It was pandemonium. The young German shepherd next door was trying to scale the wall next to me, barking his head off, the mother was screaming and hysterical, the kids were screaming and hysterical, I could barely hear the operator--who by then was an EMT. 

I finally got the mom to listen, we went through the whole thing of CPR--she kept stopping to wail and sob--which I don't blame her for because I was also crying. When I saw the little girl, I believed it was already too late--but we kept at it. Thirty chest compressions, nothing. Then I tried to instruct her on mouth-to-mouth. I could go on and on. It seemed to take months before the sheriffs arrived, but I think it was only about five minutes.

They took the little girl away and I broke down and started sobbing. The operator/EMT guy said, "Listen, you did a great job. Really. You did everything you could."

Which I would like to believe. But of course I feel guilty. 

A while later a neighbor down the street came to our house to say she wanted to make sure I was all right. She had seen the whole thing from her bedroom window. How many other people were watching? People who were closer and could have been of more help? I mean, it was early and most people would be at work, but was I really the only person able to respond? 

It's a little bit of comfort that she said, "You should know that you were great. You were so in control and so calm (I was not, for the record, either of those things). I could hear everything you said to her. I could see you petting and calming the dog (which I'd totally forgot) and counting for her and talking to the kids."

The sheriffs came to interview me and I told them what I knew. They took photos of my yard and their yard. They said the little girl had not been pronounced but it did not look good. 

Anyway, that's it. That's where I've been. I'm doing my best not to think about it, and today is much easier, but it's woven into my dreams. It pops into my head at unexpected times.  It's not my tragedy and it is not about me, but I still have to work through my inadvertent part in it. I do believe I did everything I could.  But it's still...dreadful. 



30 comments:

  1. Oh my God, how awful...I'm so sorry. For you, for that family, for that little girl. Sending you lots of virtual hugs.

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  2. I'm so sorry for that family and what you had to go through. You did your best. *hugs*

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  3. That's so awful. I'm so sorry for that family and that you went through that. And we'll never know what would've happened if they pulled her out immediately. Take care of yourself.

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  4. It may not be your direct tragedy, but you were there, and emotionally and mentally involved. And it was a little child—that will always get a good person’s empathy working. You may not see it, or feel like it, but you are a hero. Hugs.

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  5. Dear god, what a frightful, horrible, terrifying experience. Cut yourself some slack and maybe talk to a counsellor. This isn't a one-and-done kind of experience; you could use some help processing.

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  6. OMG, Josh! Such a terrible experience for everyone. Your guilt feelings are completely normal, but as the immediate horror recedes, you'll realize you did everything possible, and apparently more than anyone else. Please take care. <3

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  7. I am so sorry you had to experience this trauma. So so sorry. You did wonderful.

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  8. How awful! I'm sending big hugs your way. Such a sad thing. {{{Hugs}}}

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  9. Oh, I am so sorry, Josh. For you, for the little girl, for her family. What a horrible experience. Horrible. Sending love to all.

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  10. I'm so sorry for you and that family. I completely understand not being able to get that picture out of your mind. I pray God gives you peace in the days to come. Much love my friend. CJ

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  11. I’m so sorry. That was traumatic to read, let alone to participate. I can’t even imagine the horror. Please accept my sympathies and hopes that the family finds strength and you find healing. Good Lord.

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  12. That is horrible. I’m so, so sorry for you all.

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  13. That's just ... I have no words.
    I'm so sorry this is now one of your life experiences
    - Talk to a councillor, it helps. ��
    Sending you hugs.

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  14. I'm so sorry, Josh; that's simply awful. Please realize you did an amazing job; you were actually the first person to do anything.

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  15. Things can go horribly wrong so quickly. It's certainly understandable that you're still traumatized and I'm so sorry for that. You really were a hero - sad to think others watched without offering SOME kind of help. If the poor child has any chance at all it's due to you. So tragic. Prayers for all.

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  16. Sending you much love, what an awfully traumatic experience.

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  17. Oh, my friend. Believe me: you have done far more than most people would. Please don't doubt yourself

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  18. So hard to find words for all this. You cared, stepped up, and kept your head when others couldn't or didn't. Hugs

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  19. So sorry you experienced this… I can only imagine how horrible that was. HUGS!

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  20. oh my god. I think people forget sometimes how traumatized bystanders can be after an event like that. So please give yourself a nice hug and get good rest and hug your family. You did great.

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  21. I can’t begin to imagine. I’m so sorry for their loss and for your anguish,

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  22. I am sorry you had to go through that and that little child met such sad tragic fate. You are very strong, I can't even imagine what it must be to see that and how one gets past that.

    I just want to tell you that I have found strength and that your work has kept me going. I have read most of your work and am going through the audio books now. I relocated for work after a difficult separation, just at the start of pandemic and went into quarantine and then lockdown and been working from home since. Your story telling, your writing has kept me occupied, distracted and given an escape which I desperately needed to get through some difficult days so Thank you!!

    I hope you find some peace and strength to get over your difficult time.

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  23. You, my dear, may be suffering from some PTSD. You should consult your physician if you haven't already. My mother, a native German who grew up during WW II, was finally diagnosed when she was 60. But it was a wonderful thing that you did. You were definitely tested and came through.

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  24. Sorry, I don't read your blog regularly and only just saw this post. You're a hero, having been the only responsible adult in the vicinity and you literally did everything possible. But this is why heros often suffer the after-effects of the horrors they encounter and do their best to assuage. I'm so so sorry for the baby, for the clearly dysfunctionnal family, for you, and everyone else impacted by this tragedy. ::hugs::

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  25. My darling, you were so brave. I'm so sorry for you and for that little girl's family. Be so gentle with yourself.

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  26. Wow… I take back my disappointment when I was notified the preorders I’ve been waiting on were delayed. I thoroughly enjoy your books, so will be patient!

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