And I was initially very productive in lockdown. Not creative. Well, I did learn to use BookBrush and I did make a bunch of book trailers. Not much writing happened, but a lot of other catching up on stuff did. I dealt with some of the audio, print, translation, and marketing chores that have been hanging over me forever. That felt great. That felt like I was moving forward even though I was worried and uncertain about the future.
But now... It's been just about three months since I last published anything. Secret at Skull House came out at the end of April, and since then I've written a little here and there. I started Mystery at the Masquerade, I started a short story, I'm working on the outline for Haunted Heart: Spring, I've done a couple of codas for Patreon. Obviously, it's not the year any of us planned on, but does it have to be a full-blown crash-and-burn disaster?
I mean, there's still half a year to go, and there's no reason I can't pull myself together but...
73,000 NEW CORONA VIRUS CASES REPORTED YESTERDAY. I mean... Seventy-three THOUSAND???? What. The. Hell.
And that's not even the scariest news of the day. I mean, just a glance at the headlines on the political front are enough to suck the breath out of my lungs. (Which is not to say I don't do plenty of yelling about it--just ask the SO.)
But really, as worrying as all that is, I've been writing through the last three years. I don't see why I can't write through this.
And some good things have happened. I got to see my family (finally) at our socially distanced 4th of July celebration. Our taxes are done (the bleeding has nearly stopped). The dogs have their shots and vaccinations for the rest of the year. We're having socially distanced dinner and cocktails with my sister's family tonight. We're figuring it out. We're navigating uncharted waters. We're okay. I'm okay.
I just have to begin writing again.
But so far, not so good. I've had to once more push Haunted Heart: Spring back. I've seen a few comments wherein irate readers say I should just cancel the book. Why? No, seriously. WHY? I still plan on writing the book. I still want to finish Flynn's story. Why would I cancel the book simply because some petulant petunia is disappointed it didn't arrive when originally promised? As a reader who has also endured having to wait for books I really wanted to read, I far prefer to get the book later than expected than learn it's been canceled for good. Like, I still hope that maybe, maybe someday Poppy Z. Brite will return to the world of John Rickey and G-man Stubbs, as unlikely as I know that is.
Should the day come that I realize I no longer have any stories in me, then that's another thing. I'm not there yet. Not even close. In fact, I was brushing my teeth this morning and I realized Sam and Jason dialog was running through my brain. That's a really good sign. That's something that hasn't been happening for a few weeks.
So, yes. I'm struggling to find the words and books are running late. But the words haven't vanished. Thank God. If I could snap out of it on cue, I would. But I can't. I have to work my way back to where I was. My plan is to play around with some Patreon stuff and hope that shakes loose a little more creativity, and then I'll tackle something small. Probably a short story--probably the short story I started and then abandoned last month. Or maybe not. I just don't know. This is something new for me. It's not exactly burn-out, but it might as well be.
One word, one sentence, one paragraph, one page at a time. This is the advice I've always given, and I know it works. So that's the plan. I'll keep you posted.
Your books are always worth the wait. I'm not going anywhere.
ReplyDelete<3 <3 <3
DeleteI would much rather wait for Haunted Heart than to hear its been cancelled. Write what you want, what you can, what you enjoy. If it isn't according to the schedule, so the hell what. If nothing else, you can put out your grocery list. We'll read it!
ReplyDeleteLOL Well, my grocery list IS pretty eclectic these days--it contains everything from Ace bandages to tulips. :-D
DeleteSerious question, and I promise, I'm not trying to be antagonistic or even threatening to cancel my preorder: Do you think this book will actually be available by the end of August?
ReplyDeleteFair question. I *am* really trying to get it done to meet the August deadline. I honestly don't understand why I can't seem to marshal my thoughts, so I'm trying to avoid making hard commitments, but I want to write this, I want it off my desk, I want to make the readers who have been waiting so patiently happy.
DeleteThat's great! I am very excited to read the next book in this series! I don't know if I've been an anxious to know what's going to happen to a character next since The Hell You Say. Take your time!
DeleteOh my dear! No one can blame anyone for having scattered thoughts during this time. I have been having a hard time reading and that takes zero creativity! These are unusual times and we are in uncharted territory. We've never lived through anything like this. No way is better than another way, we're all just trying to get through this. I know I don't need to tell you this, but f*uck those people who would shame you for not creating on their demand. You do you, I'll do me, and hopefully we can help each other along the way a little bit. I'm sure as much as they want to read, you'd like to write just as much. Patience, grasshopper.
ReplyDelete<3 <3 <3 Thank you, M. You are the queen of patience, God knows. But it's not like I enjoy postponing projects, given that writing is our sole source of income. :-D
Delete1. I'm embarrassed for the Petulant Petunias who seem to believe authors "owe" them. Write when you can and the results will be amazing.
ReplyDelete2. Sounds like you've actually accomplished a lot! Taking care of things such as taxes is like a new lease on life.
3. My SO is sympathetic but I am no longer allowed to rant about politics in his presence. (Seriously, how is that sociopath in the White House not in jail and/or tossed out of office? I hope every gutless enabler gets their a** handed to them at election time.)
4. I'm so excited to read everything you're working on and am happy to wait! Really loving the Scrabblers series. 🥰 I hope you know we love you and respect your work and want you to be well. I'm not going anywhere. 🙂 Rock on.
Thank you so much, Binkabunny. You're right, I actually have done a huge amount of businessy stuff during this time period, but inevitably it gets down to creating new stories, and while I have the ideas and longing to write, I'm all over the place emotionally and mentally. This week has been better though, so I'm starting to feel more hopeful.
DeleteAs for the news...limiting my intake is helping a bit. This is such a strange time. I've also had plenty of Republican friends--I still have a few--but the tribal politics has made it difficult to preserve those connections.
Once upon a time, political differences were simply a matter of opinions on policies. Now it's personal. Everything is personal and a lot of it is simply crazy. I've read theories on where that ugly, stupid tribalism springs from, but nothing explains it satisfactorily. The assault on public education will definitely not help matters.
Well said. I've started seriously limiting my news intake - which I hate to do because I worked at a newspaper for 30 years!
DeleteCreativity is not like a vendor machine where you just have to push a button to get what you want. I'd kill to read nother of your stories right now, but I'm angry at the people who blame you. They are probably among the people who shouted to have masks in April and now shout that they won't wear masks because it's against their freedom. Meaning: they behave like spoiled children!
ReplyDeleteTake the time you need. I think most of us are allright with the waiting. We have all your other books to read again in the meantime. Maybe we should try to write stories for YOU for a change ;)
<3 <3 <3 Slowly but surely I'm getting there. I'm starting to hear dialog, starting to picture scenes again. I'm slowly sneaking up to it. :-D
DeleteThat just makes no sense to me. Someone would rather not have the book at all, than to have it later than expected?
ReplyDeleteOr perhaps they'd rather you rush through it, even if you're not "feeling" it, and put some mediocre product on the shelf?
That's not all of us. That's not even most of us, I think. Take as long as you need, and give us the quality of stories that we're used to. And if it take a year, or more, then so be it.
A few years ago, publishers wouldn't even let their authors publish more than one book a year. Writers like John Dickson Carr were forced to come up with an alter ego to do so.
We do realize you need to make a living, and we're here to buy the books as soon as they're published. But we're not here to heap any more pressure on you.
Thanks, Sam. Thank God for readers like you. I know deep down that *most* readers would prefer to wait for the book to be as good as it can be. I can only speculate that these are non-creative types who would be just as happy with reading a book report as a book.
DeleteYeah, I got time in me. It sort of gives me a reason to live, thinking about some great egg-book in my future waiting to hatch. Life needs mystery.
ReplyDeleteI teach writing-- to college freshmen, so... yeah. More than anything else, I coach young writers. What students come in with is the Romantic idea that writing is talent and inspiration. I show them it's also toil and repetition. Writer's block, for them, is doubt. They concentrate on the grade rather than the process, which is focusing on the next word and the next sentence without getting lost in their goals and dreams for the project. For myself and my colleagues, writer's block is the same at core, with a thick, heavy crust of exhaustion and despair. The discipline of intellectual labor can be as wearing as any other, and you need breaks, changes of scene, vacations, and if you need to take a few months off after 20 years during a global freaking pandemic... you go on with your bad self. Take time off and move your deadlines. Change things up. Take care of yourself before helping other on with their masks. I for one will be waiting for the Scrabble champion to find a lover who deserves him, and you can get back to me when you're ready.
ReplyDelete"Irate" really? I am so grateful for every book of yours. Your writing has brought me such pleasure. I am especially fond of Adrien and Jake. I have great respect for your writing process and I look forward patiently for your future books. Thank you!
ReplyDelete