Happy Valentine's Day!

I am an inveterate reader of women's magazines--I make no apologies for that--and I notice that there are many many articles now days about how Valentine's Day has become some dreadful thing that leaves people wounded and wanting.

I think some of these wounds are self-inflicted, but okay. Back when I was single and emotionally restless, Valentine's Day was generally stressful. There were years I received gifts from multiple romantic interests (none of whom I actually loved) and there were years I felt invisible and uncherished by everyone but my family and dog (the funny thing is those years were not as stressful as the others!).

Before I met the SO I went through a period where I basically swept all emotional entanglements from my life and took a break from romance. I did a huge amount of writing during that period--in fact, a lot of the stories I started back then ended up being books I later sold (including the first two Adrien English novels, The Ghost Wore Yellow Socks, and I Spy Something Bloody). Anyway, that was one of the happiest Valentine's Day of my entire existence. I didn't care that there were no lavish bouquets arriving for me at work for everyone to see. I didn't care that I wasn't going to get dressed up and go to an expensive restaurant. I rented (yes, physically walked into a video rental store--we did not have streaming in days of yore) a couple of classic film noir films I had been wanting to see, made a super nice meal for myself (it was the first time I ever cooked a lobster tail), bought a nice bottle of wine and had a quiet, relaxing and very satisfying evening on my own. I believe I may have ended the night with a third glass of wine and a bubble bath.

A couple of years later I met the SO and that was that. GOODBYE SWEET BIRD OF YOUTH. Kidding of course. But I kind of think that there was a connection between not actively wanting anyone in my life and finding the person I was going to spend a huge chunk of that same life with.

So if I was going to give advice to someone secretly fretting about the state of their Valentine's Day, it would simply be to say that there's a difference between being alone and being lonely, but if you are lonely, it's still better to be lonely on your own than lonely with the wrong person. There's nothing lonelier than that.

ALSO, love will slow you down. Not that I regret love--there's much to be said for loving and being loved--but you can get a lot more writing done when you're single. ;-)