Holiday Fiction from Haldis!

 I burst out laughing when I saw this submission from our dear, dear talented pal Haldis. :-D :-D :-D But you might not get the joke, if you've forgotten a particular coda. So here's Coda 35 to refresh your memory. 

And here's a delirious bit of holiday madness from Haldis. 

A Coal Miner’s Son’s Christmas

“There’s Mooses in the holly,

And squirrels in the tree.”

Ricky Joe put his ripped and teared heart into every word, trembling hands on his guitar.

“There’s birds nesting in the pine boughs,

But there ain’t no one fer me!”

Ricky Joe took a shuddering breath, put aside the guitar, and picked up his pencil to make a couple of notes. He turned towards the door as he heard it open.

“I’m home!”, called Don as he stepped into the room.

“Donnie! You came back to me!” Ricky Joe jumped out of his chair and flung himself at Don.

“Course I came back to you, Ricky Joe! I’ll always and always come back to you! Shorely ya know that!”

“But you gone up to the coal mines! Them black pits suck yer soul and leave yer bones nothin but dust!”, wailed Ricky Joe. (He made a small mental note to put that in one of his songs)

“Ah, Ricky Joe,” said Don, sounding awful fond. “I just gone up to the mines to drop off my pa’s afternoon libation of Christmas cheer.”

“Meow.”

Don pulled away from Ricky Joe, staring in confusion.

“Did you just meow at me?”

“Weren’t me,” said Ricky Joe.  They both turned to the still open door and saw the cat sitting there.

“We seem to have a visitor of the feline persuasion at our threshold, Ricky Joe.”

“We shorely do, Donnie.”

“How can we help you, uh….” started Don.

“Meow,” filled in the cat.

“Mr. Pinkerton,” finished Don.

“Meow,” said Mr. Pinkerton.

“Reindeer!”, exclaimed Ricky Joe.

“Meow meow. Meow,” added Mr. Pinkerton.

“In the bonsai orchard,” cried Don.

“We barely survived last year’s fiery conflagration! One munch and our wee charges will be but a memory in the shadow of yonder coal mine!” (Ricky Joe made another mental note to put that in one of his songs)

Before Don and Ricky Joe could follow Mr. Pinkerton out to the bonsai orchard, a man appeared in the doorway. Just ‘poof!’ Appeared. He was dressed in red leather pants, tall black boots, and a black leather harness on his otherwise bare torso. He had a red and white fur cap sitting on his head at a jaunty angle and a red silk scarf tied loosely around his neck.

“I understand you have my reindeer,” said the man in a low, throaty voice, waving around a white peacock feather as he spoke.

“Santie Claus?!” said Ricky Joe and Don, together, in disbelief.

“You can call me J.X.”, said Santie Claus with a mischievous grin and a twinkle in his eye.

 

Christopher Holmes sat bolt upright in bed, stifling a scream half of terror, half of mortification, and half of absolutely what the fuck. As he laid back down and got his breathing back under control, he realized there really wasn’t any terror, or mortification for that matter, since J.X. in leather was practically a work of art. And J.X. being all Bossy, well, sometimes Christopher found it annoying, and sometimes…he didn’t. So that only left… 

“Bad dream, Kit?”, J.X. mumbled sleepily, as he snuggled a little closer into Christopher.

“More bizarre. I think it will be hard to get some of those images out of my head. Although one of the images, I don’t think I want to get out of my head.”

“Yeah?” J.X. must have heard something in Christopher’s voice, because he had raised his head to look at Christopher, and he seemed much more awake.

“Oh, yeah,” answered Christopher. “How do you feel about silk scarves and feathers? And a Santa hat? And maybe a little leather thrown in for variety?”

J.X. laughed as he rolled over on top of Christopher. “I don’t think I dare ask what you were dreaming, but yeah, I think I can get on board with that.”

And then he proceeded to kiss that dream right out of Christopher’s head.