|What the hell? That's SOUP!|
But anyway, let's not dwell on the past. This looks like a pretty decent recipe.
Prep Time: Depends on how much you've already had to drink
Cook Time: Forever. Okay, no. Three hours -- which is ridiculous!! Right? Those carolers are liable to turn ugly any minute!
|Damn it! That's also soup!|
Set your crockpot (hahahahaha booze in a crockpot!!!) to its lower setting, and pour in the apple cider, cranberry juice, honey and sugar. Mix it up, which you always do anyway even when you're not supposed to. Bring to a smiling boil. That will be you smiling, not the wassail. Anyway, I'm making that up. Stir until the honey and sugar dissolve. Stud the oranges with the cloves (WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BRING SEX INTO IT YOU SELFISH BASTARD?) and place in the pot (they’ll float). Wait. What? Add the diced apple. Add allspice, ginger and nutmeg to taste. Remember, you can always add more, you can't get it out once it's in there. Yeswearestilltalkingaboutwassailyouhaveaonetrackmind. Finally, snap the cinnamon sticks in half and add those as well.
Cover pot and allow to simmer 2 – 4 hours on low heat. SO IT'S NOT THREE HOURS, IT'S MAYBE FOUR About half an hour prior to serving, add the brandy if you choose to use it. OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO USE IT!
Right. So there you go. Traditional wassail. Drunken quarrel with guests optional.
Anyway, the truth is, the sexiest cocktail is the one you leave unfinished because you can't wait to be alone together. ;-)
|Wassail cunningly disguised as fruit soup|