Thursday, March 7, 2013

Zombies ARE Sexy (aka Dudes in Distress = Undead Canapes)



All that’s keeping Riley from the man he’s falling in love with are the ruins of a city filled with half a million dead cannibals.

Strangers, Riley and Graham sheltered together in a basement storage unit when the zombie outbreak slammed into the world three months ago. They lived through the first blast of the plague, but they may not last much longer among survivors scrambling for dwindling resources. They agree to hike from the city and to the safety of the mountains. They didn’t count on the storm they hoped would cover their exit developing into a Nor’easter, though, and they sure didn’t think their visibility would
shrink so badly that they’d hike into the leading edge of a zombie swarm, either. In the chaos of escaping the ravenous horde, they are separated, with Graham racing toward feral dog packs to the east and Riley sprinting to hostile survivors hunting them to the west.

Nobody said finding and keeping a quality guy (alive) during the apocalypse would be easy.

 



Zombies ARE Sexy (aka Dudes in Distress = Undead Canapes)

 

Kari Gregg

 
 
 
Why zombies? That’s a question I get asked. A lot. Why, why, WHY? Zombies aren’t sexy. Zombies are gruesome, gory, and gross. They are decaying, for the love of God. So not smexy.

Yep. You’re right.

Corpses don’t generally trip my happy switch, unless we’re talking vampires and hey, none of their dangly bits are rotting off, are they? Neither of my heroes are zombies, though. Their dangly bits are functioning just fine, LOL.


Why zombies then? Because zombies are the super destructo total package. Everyone you have ever met can become an undead killing machine. Depending on the world-building, corpses long dead in the grave can rise up, including your beloved Great Aunt Gertrude who passed away gently in her sleep ten years ago and will now efficiently dig your eyeballs from your skull for a tasty snack. Every person on the planet is a potential enemy. In some zombie worlds, animals can become undead, too. Some zom-infections are instant. You’re bit and WHAMMO! You’re now a mobile WMD. And in other worlds, the lag until reanimation is prolonged so you can savor the horror during that excruciating wait for the inevitable. Sometimes, when a virus drives the zombie infection, you must be bit to become undead, but other times, everybody is infected so dying of natural causes will transform you into a brain muncher. I’ve seen zombie fics in which you didn’t even need to be bitten; you just needed a scratch. Or be splashed with blood spatter.

Regardless of the world, the bottom line is you have to be 100% badass to last long in a zombie outbreak.

And THAT is the allure of zombies.

Damsels in Distress? Or in the case of M/M, Dudes in Distress? Oh, honey, that’s just not possible. Sheer dumb luck may carry you through an encounter or two, but when the horde is descending, any character that is TSTL is going down, baby, down. Above all else, survivors of the zombie plague need to be adaptable, quick, clever, resourceful, and capable. Oh, be still my heart. Heroes must be in prime physical condition because they’ll do tons of running and fighting. With the electrical grid gone and modern conveniences useless, characters become adept at scavenging for supplies or MacGyver a work-around. They learn new skills. Rudimentary first aid. How to filter and purify water. They forage solar panels off highways and then wire them to feed a bank of car batteries to use as a crude power supply. They get smarter or they get dead. Power is a good thing, very good, but light that could draw zombies to your location? Not so hot.

Survivors are the Best of the Best.

In Half a Million Dead Cannibals, both Riley and Graham are extremely capable men. They’ve survived three months into the zombie apocalypse, no small achievement considering they were forced from their shelter to forage for supplies on occasion and they are in an area with other survivors who are distinctly unfriendly toward competitors for dwindling supplies. Neither Riley nor Graham is a simpering, delicate flower. They don’t need to rescue each other. They are equals who have learned to rely on one another. Fate, circumstances, destiny, whatever you want to call it threw them together, but neither man needs a protector or a savior. They are fierce, strong, and proficient men.

Nothing is sexier to me than that.

 

Leave a comment below with your email address and what characteristic you think would be most important in surviving the zombie apocalypse (strength? intelligence? flexibility?) for a shot at a Zombie Outbreak Response Team car decal like so:

 

 

 

Commenters will also receive an entry into my Half a Million Dead Cannibals Zombie Survival Kit Contest (details about the prize and moar chances to win it here: http://www.karigregg.com/?p=1652).
Zombies are coming, guys. Comment, comment, comment! While you still can...







Author bio & links:

Kari Gregg lives in the mountains of Wild and Wonderful West Virginia with
her Wonderful husband and three very Wild children. When Kari’s not
writing, she enjoys reading, coffee, zombie flicks, coffee, naked
mud-wrestling (not really), and . . . coffee!

Website: http://www.KariGregg.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Kari.M.Gregg
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4366316.Kari_Gregg
Twitter: https://twitter.com/karigregg

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28 comments:

  1. I think you need to be smart and not panic.
    debby236 at gmail dot com

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  2. Yup, I can buy that. If you're able to think logically & rationally despite the panic, you might be able to predict (& hence avoid) dangerous situations that you'd need to fight your way free of. :-D

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  3. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...a great big (fangirl) thanks to Josh for letting me invade this blog. Zombies are coming, dude, and they are MEAN. ;-)

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  4. Replies
    1. If they're not carrying macchiato, they can stay right on that first step, too. It'll be the Starbucks zombie that gets me, swear to God.

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  5. Oh, my 4 and 6 year olds would LOVE to be on the Zombie Response Team. I'm not actually sure who told them about zombies but they are obsessed!

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    1. Zombies are everywhere. The CDC even did a disaster prep campaign with the hook of preparing for the zombie apocalypse (the rational being that if you're ready for a zombie outbreak, you'd be ready for a flood, tornado, or other natural disaster).

      I, of course, have been ready for teh zombies for years...LOL

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  6. I am so not a zombie fan. Intelligence would keep me alive. but I would rather deal with a plague of werewolves. I like hairy. :)

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    1. You're getting bit either way, right? ;-)

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  7. I think intelligence/charisma. First, you'd be able to make the smartest choices for yourself (and other survivors) and brain is stronger than brawn. Also, some of the greatest masterminds in history stayed in the background, commanded everyone and never got their own hands dirty, yet they outlasted everyone else. That's the best way to survive the outbreak.

    tiger-chick-1(at)hotmail(dot)com

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    1. Oooh, charisma! Definitely a perk in the apocalypse. :-)

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  8. To survive a Zombie apocalypse I hope that I would be intelligent and cunning enough to survive. Whenever I watch a zombie movie it always seems that the one who survives is the one who is not panicked, is thinking logically, and letting someone else take charge. lol.

    H.B.
    humhumbum@yahoo.com

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    1. Yep, being in charge can often mean you're the first to go down, right? Or like the captain honorably sinking with his ship...except you're sinking into a carnivorous zombie horde. Ow.

      Leading from behind can definitely be an advantage.

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  9. BRAAAAAAAINS! It's got to be intelligence. Thinking about what you said about rewiring and such, oh goodness, I need to study more. Of course, if I'm not strong enough to get away from a horde of zombies, I may not make it to the point where I'm getting to the whole long-term survival bit. Maybe I'll just keep working out with my husband so we can make his wonderful brain safe from becoming a hearty snack. (Now let's just hope we're together when the zombacolypse happens.)

    caroaz [at] ymail [dot] com

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    1. I saw the battery bank fed by scavenged solar panels (and/or windmill) in a series called The Colony, LOL. Great show. Loaded with scientists and engineers rather than your average mix of lay people and the premise of the show is surviving the aftermath of a society-crumbling plague instead of zombies, but interesting nonetheless. Pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do 1/10th of what they did, but if I've got a backyard mechanic in my survivor crew, I figure I'm golden. ;-)

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  10. Definitely intelligence, including knowing when to run away and hide!Realism, I think. In all apocalypse or disaster stories it's the people who accept this is the new reality and they've got to deal with it are the ones who make it, as opposed to those who are sure that this can't really be happening and the authorities will come and rescue them soon.

    And always aiming for the head of course.

    I'm editing a zombie story right now! I hope they are the coming thing. I'll have to wait until I'm done with that before I read yours, but I will definitely be reading it.

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    1. YAY!!!! LOVE zombie stories! I don't know if zom are the coming thing or not, but I sure had a blast writing this. Got to exercise some of my zombie apoc-fu. Wicked fun. :-D

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    2. I can't quite believe that Josh has persuaded me to consider reading a book featuring Zombies. I've still not recovered from watching 28 Days later but there you go.

      And the quality that will get you through a Zombie attack would be hope or more accurately the ability to believe in a better future.

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    3. If it helps at all, my zombies aren't sprinters. Fast zombies are possible in this world, but it's set during a snow storm 3 mths after the outbreak. Most zombies have either decomposed too much to run or they're freezing. Literally. LOL

      Re hope...That's one element of zombie fic that I'm not so happy about and try to stay away from -- the cynicism. With zombies, you have 3 options for your ending: 1) Everybody dies. (Obv not going to work in a romance, LOL.) 2) Zombies are all destroyed. (Which isn't realistic to me without a hugely epic fight and a long, hard-fought battle.) or 3) the ambiguous ending where zombies still rule the world but you have some sense of and confidence in where the heroes are going (either good or bad). I prefer GOOD. I prefer hopeful. I still (perhaps foolishly) like to believe there is more good in the human animal, even under the worst of conditions, than there is bad.

      Anyway, if you've ever seen zombie movies that are also a commentary on society (the best are), I much prefer the ones with that hopeful kick at the end.

      Basically, I think you're right. You have to believe in a better tomorrow or what are you struggling for?

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  11. YAY to Carolyn March! Check your email because you're the random drawing winner of the Zombie Outbreak Response Team decal. Congrats. :-D

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  12. I definitely do not think that zombies are sexy, but I do like stories and shows/movies featuring them. I just don't know how long I would last during a zombie apocalypse though. I am pretty smart, but don't have any real "survivalist" skills :(

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    1. email: manning_J2004 at yahoo dot com

      Congrats to Carolyn :)

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  13. I'd rather have a Wraeththu (Storm Constantine's hermaphrodite mutants) apocalypse, thank you very much. By the way, when will your third Holmes and Moriarity novel be out?

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    1. It turns out I'm working a bit more slowly than I used to, so we'e still a few months out. I'll try to remember to keep everyone posted!

      Thanks for asking.

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  14. Yep. We are sexy. ;-)

    And we talk and tweet. Who knew?

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