Friday, April 24, 2015

I picked a bad month to quit smoking...

Okay, no. I don't smoke. I never have. I don't even drink to excess anymore. Very often. But it's a wonder that I am not currently drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney.


Remind me never to buy a house when I have a book due. Okay, granted, I always have a book due, but even so I should have arranged this better.


I am like a mad scientist's experiment on the effect of stress on rats. Or the small, pale, anxious-looking mammal of your choice.


I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.


But I have to keep taking it and working while I take it, and because this isn't a funny enough story for future retellings, we here in the high desert are also experiencing windstorms so I have had a headache for about two weeks. Crazy-with-stress and headachy. Even the SO has been complaining of headaches for the last week, so it's not just me. Or maybe I am the common denominator. It's been known to happen.


This is the long way of admitting that this a placeholder post. I can't just drop off the face of the map because then the VA starts to get emails asking if I've died. I WISH.


Kidding. I'm a kidder.


A kidder with a headache. Which is the worst kind.


So everything is pretty much fine. The book is coming along, believe it or not. We're looking at somewhere between 60 - 70K (regardless of what Amazon says) and it's a lot of mystery and not so much romance because I basically want to kill someone.




We were supposed to close Monday, but every *&^^%%$$###@!ING time I think we're moving forward the bank comes back with yet another request for paperwork. Lately it's the same paperwork only formatted differently. Which is why I want to kill someone.





Anyway, while I have thought of many topics for posts, I find that I just do not have the energy. I barely have the focus for a normal conversation, yet alone the ability to think philosophically about such things as why people you have never met--and never will meet--think it is appropriate to share such personal, private information with an email address OR ask the person at the end of that email address for personal and private information.





Yeesh.






But a lot of us live online now, and we forget that we are still the minority. Most people are not living their lives in cyber space.





It does raise an interesting question though. If you were to unplug today, how much would it affect your life? In what ways would it change your life? Do you think you would be forced to forge better and more meaningful connections with people around you if you couldn't hop onto the intertubes to socialize? Does the internet enhance or distract from your ability to connect with people?





Are we engaging online to the detriment of our real life engagement?





Inquiring minds want to know.





I've read a few articles about "addiction to the internet." What do you think about that? If you were addicted to the internet, would you know?



















45 comments:

  1. Hi Josh,

    There are no adequate words to express my feelings for what you are experiencing. You are in a quandary, that's for sure. I can only repeat what I said yesterday—this too shall pass. I could tell you a story of a friend who is currently in a worse house-closing situation for almost a year now, but your troubles are bad enough. Unfortunately there is nothing for it but to muddle through.

    As for an addiction to the internet and its affect on my life: I telecommute to work via the internet, so unplugging would necessitate daily treks to the office. Ugh. Definitely not my thing anymore. Right now I am happy with my real-life engagements. I view my online friends as an addition to, not a replacement of, real-life friends.

    Please take care of yourself, Josh. You know those headaches are stress-induced. Find time everyday to just stop and relax, even if only for 15 minutes at a time. You will see the light at the end of tunnel eventually. (((Hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
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    1. When it comes to commuting or research or sending contracts and documents, yes! Oh yes. No question. And enabling people to work from home? Fantastic.

      Delete
  2. Well, I had no friends before social media.
    Ok, not entirely true, but close.

    Anyhoo, I hope you get all you paperwork in order, or the bank, whichever.
    Try a decongestant for the headache.
    Keep writing.
    I hope you get to move soon, feel better.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. And this is where the internet is great. Because if you live in an isolated area or a place where the chances of finding people who share your interests are zero...the internet is maybe even a life saver.

      Delete
  3. Hi, Josh
    So sorry to hear about your headaches and problems with the purchase of the house... I remember when I bought my flat. I honestly thought the bank was trying as hard as possible to scare me off with their absurd requirements and conditions... Anyway, I braved the storm and I have my flat (which actually still belongs to the bank because no way I'm done with the mortgage...). So persevere, my friend, and at the end they'll have to yield...
    As for the social media, I must recognise I'm old school. I do not have many friends on the media, and most of them are people I met in the "real world" and just use the internet to keep in touch. So if I had unplug today I would just have to resort to old means as telephone or letters. Which wouldn't be that bad
    I hope you feel better soon. Take care and keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes. It does start to feel malicious and deliberate on the part of the bank. In some still sane corner of my brain I know this is not true, and I should really not be wishing the underwriter meets with a terrible punishing accident (once my docs have been handed off).

      It is hard though. I understand how lynch mobs form because I am testing rope lengths now. Oh wait. That's suicide. :-D I always get those two confused.

      Delete
  4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY

    ReplyDelete
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    1. LOL

      Thanks! I needed that!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1prd0Dpfytw

      Delete
  5. I would be lost without the internet. I'm not one to meet people so my friends are mostly family here in FL. I'm a homebody so I don't go anywhere to meet potential new friends, and a loner so I kinda like my friends being a few hundred or thousand miles away. When I want to be alone, I just close the lid on the laptop. It works really nice for me. I love the face to face meet ups, but I also like that they only last a few days. Is that anti-social? Probably. But I like having my friends live in my computer. :-)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I've met some of my closest real life friends on line, so I'm no opponent of the internet. And the people who behave badly on the net probably behave badly in real life too. The difference is they can do it anonymously on the net--and in real life people often see them coming a mile away.

      I think if you can casually close the lid on your laptop, you are not addicted.

      Unless you promptly turn on your phone. :-D

      Delete
  6. I'm sorry to hear you have such a stressful time, Josh and I keep my fingers crossed for you that it'll work out very soon. I had no idea that there seem to be as much of this stupid bureaucracy in America as in Germany. It is so nerve wrecking when you can't do anything but wait for all these bureaucrats to do their jobs.

    I like having internet friends. I like communicating with people in America and other places in the world because I find it interesting. I think internet friends are no replacement for real life friends, but I met so many nice people on the internet and I hope that some day I'll come for a visit and meet them.
    You don't know me but I think through reading your books I've got to know you a little bit. It's difficult for me to say it in English but I think that every author gives a lot of his personality to their readers. And what I found in your books I liked a lot. So I think of you as a friend even that you don't know me. Thanks a lot for your books, Josh!
    I hope you and your SO will feel better soon and that this terrible waiting will have an end. Take care, Josh

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thank you, Susanne. And I feel the same. Books are personal, so yes, the people that we connect with through our books...well, we do have a relationship with our readers. And sometimes those relationships go on to be actual friendships. Certainly those of us hanging out on the FB page and GR group I consider friends. :-)

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  7. Lots of hugs to you, first of all. Internet...well, i wouldn't have met some very wonderful people if not for braving the internets, plus with friends and family all over the place, it does help to stay in touch, so that's good, i think. (notice how i avoided the RL question, but basically what M said. :-))
    KC

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    1. :-D

      Like probably every other tool out there, it can be used for good or evil?

      Delete
  8. I just rewrote a LONG reply because I decided to limit "unplug" to just social media, not the internet in general. Divorcing one's self from the internet would be extemely difficult (info, research, finances, shopping, etc.).

    Mostly, it would be a positive for me as spending too much time on social media, primarily Facebook, can be very stressful in terms of content and time.

    You asked, "Are we engaging online to the detriment of our real life engagement?" In some ways, absolutely yes. If I were a more courageous person, I'd delete my account at Facebook. It is frequently a great source of stress for me. I could be reading, biking, listening to great music or an audiobook, walking in a park, talking to a family or friend, a myriad of things that bring me pleasure and solace.

    That said, I'm going to think more about shelving Facebook... I can find you elsewhere. :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Over the past few years, I've really cut back on my online interaction. I did worry that it might affect sales-- social media is a big part of my marketing--but my sales have gone up significantly every year (including the year I was on hiatus!). So my conclusion is writing more books is still probably the single best way to sell books. :-D

      I do have a healthier and happier life over all now that I spend so much more of it off line and in the real world. I still enjoy social media and my online friends, but I am no longer guilty about signing off the web for the entire weekend.

      Once upon a time I did feel very uneasy when I wasn't online. In fact, signing off for an entire weekend would have been unthinkable. I don't know if that's addiction or not.

      Delete
  9. Well, hell's bells. The first paragraph of my post didn't get copied over. I said: I remember the hell of closing on a house amidst the demands of family and work. Hang in there, Josh! Sending positive energies...

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    1. Thank you, Kathleen. :-) It's been reassuring hearing from so many people that their own closing and escrow was equally hellacious. At least I know it's nothing personal.

      Delete
  10. Contrary to popular belief I don't spend all my time on-line. But having kids away from home and a full time job where I can't get out and DO what I'd really like makes living off the grid, so to speak almost impossible. I love getting off line and relaxing with a good book and/or a good friend. But thanks to the internet I'v reconnected with many friends from my 'yout' So yes, it' sort of that blessing and a curse thingy. And banks are miserable institutions. Perhaps you can have one blown up in your next book instead of killlng someone :D Just a thought

    ReplyDelete
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    1. For writers in particular it's a two-edged sword. You have to spread the word about your work, build that audience, but writing is not a group activity.

      We do have an interesting shift in publishing where we see many writers actually learning their craft in public--and relying on readers and online interaction to "teach" through trial and error what once would have been learned through working with NY (or do we call them Legacy now?) editors. So it's a more interactive process.

      And it might be why you have a new generation of readers who feel more engaged and perhaps possessive of that creative process?

      Delete
  11. Sounds like you're having a crappy week ( or two ). Hope things turn around for you and your SO. Sorry you've had your boundaries violated. I bet you get that a lot, actually, being a celebrity of sorts. It's just as well you don't post your picture or you'd be bugged on the street too. Hope your boundary violator was just some well-meaning fan thinking she (or he) was being helpful.

    With regard to your question regarding addiction to the Internet. I find that I'm not so much addicted to the Internet as love researching the things I am addicted to, such as reading. I enjoy researching books, checking out the authors, reading reviews, and discussing them with a select few that I've met through specialty sites. I don't have "general" tastes so it allows me to find like-minded individuals who appreciate my choices. Not many (or any) of my family and friends have the same interests with regards to reading material.

    Also, as part of my job I'm required to do a lot of boring work on the Internet. This ultimately leads to too many opportunities to procrastinate by surfing the web and engaging in little side activities, like solving mysteries. (I like mysteries, which is one of the reasons I enjoy your work.) I guess you could consider it forced Internet addiction, yes?

    Good luck with the hay-fever and your move. Don't fret. This too shall pass.

    Julz

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    1. Only in a sub-genre the size of this one could I be considered a "celebrity." :-D

      But I understand curiosity. That's not a problem because I am curious myself, and also prone to follow breadcrumbs. What writer doesn't love research?

      I do get an awful lot of email, even now -- which I think is surprising given how very much old news I am in a genre where there is some hot new writer and hot new release every week. And yes, there are periodic inquiries and requests and so forth. The courteous stuff gets forwarded to me. But there really isn't much to say. I left the breadcrumbs, after all. ;-)


      It is a stressful time, but people keep telling me I'm going to be laughing about this in a few months. So...uh...we'll see.

      Delete
  12. Josh, I really hope that the documentation gets sorted, the word ceases, your headache stops, and you close on your new house on schedule and without any hitches!

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    1. Thank you, Helena! I think all these positive thoughts and good wishes being sent my way are the only reason I have not spontaneously combusted by now.

      We are now officially three days behind in the closing. NOT THAT I AM UPSET ABOUT THIS OR ANYTHING.

      Delete
  13. Damn sorry about about the stress & HA's a have been enduring. I did get a chuckle out of your comments all the same :( heheh still chuckling at the phrasing, but thats beautiful to find humor even in the midst of stress. keeps us sane? er well Idk if im sane yet... so gl there)
    hmmm ya I think the internet is the new club/bar scene for many. Life is running past with few oppurtunities to meet people for some. If I had no internet... well... I have to confess since the "assault and aphasia " would miss the outlet it has granted me. I am not comfortable trying to sign [ hah i havent even learned much of it. most people associate mute with retarded] internet has provided me with interesting subjects to learn about, and people to share similar interests with. albeit mb not many?
    Oh ya I was thrilled ya figured out Aishen Is thanks in Shoshone. My roots are Newe . ALready preordered and waiting but honestly whenever it is available its awesome.

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    1. Hey there, Ashe. This is where the internet is terrific. So many things are made, not only convenient, but possible because of the internet.

      Where it makes me uneasy is when I see a room full of kids (or even adults) and everyone is on their electronic devices and almost no one is communicating or interacting with the people actually around them.

      Delete
  14. Hang in there — I'm sure it's only matter of days now... right? RIGHT?! :-) Like so many others, I'm sending tons of warm, supportive thoughts and vibes your way. And big hugs.

    About the internet — I've been lucky enough to form some online friendships that I really, really treasure. And I've also managed to reconnect with some of my old friends through internet. That's definitely the best thing about internet for me.

    Yes, I think I sometimes spend too much time online. And how I know that? Because occasionally when on vacation I've decided to stay offline and it had felt absolutely liberating. No emails, no Facebook. Bliss.

    In any case, during the last few years I've tried to concentrate finding simple pleasures in my everyday life. And there is so much to be found at hand's reach. So, if I'd have to give up internet altogether it wouldn't be a too big tragedy. Some of the things I would miss tremendously, sure — your Goodreads group would definitely be one of them — and I'd have to find another way to keep in touch with some of my faraway friends, but otherwise... I'd like to think I would be painting more, reading more, spending more time with my family. Not a bad deal, that.

    I'm happy to hear that while you've been cutting back on your online interaction, your sales have actually been going up. I think that's very encouraging. And an important thing to remember.

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    1. Yesterday saw two more requests for rounds of paperwork, all of which had either been supplied multiple times or were summarized on paperwork sent a day earlier. I would have to say not one single request in the past week has been anything but requests for the exact same papers and the exact same information already received. It's farcical.

      People try to explain it by saying this is the required due diligence after the real estate crash, as if the real estate crash could have been prevented by five copies of the same tax return. WHAT?

      But I will stop ranting. I have a book to write!

      Delete
    2. Argh. That must be beyond frustrating!!!

      Yes, I'm beginning to think that LUCKILY you have a book to write. :-D If you'd be dealing with this house related stuff all day long you'd go crazy(er) ;-) in no time.

      Anyways, my watercolors are currently taking over my whole computer desk while I'm painting FINGERS CROSSED. :-)

      Delete
  15. Hang in there, Josh! I will add my good thoughts and support and hugs to the pile. May all your stresses get sorted out quickly and without too much more trouble. Geez, you deserve a break. I'm out here pulling for you, for what it's worth. :)

    I wrote a big paragraph about the internet and it disappeared, so I'll just leave it at that. Oh well. :)


    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks, Alison!

      See, the internet is watching and waiting. It doesn't like us to talk about it. ;-D

      Delete
  16. Waiting is for me a dreadful issue. It is as if I am cut off from the reality. And the longer I wait, the more horrible things come to my mind. It's amazing, that you can concentrate enough on writing a story. I think of you two!

    For me is internet a possibility to have a library in my bag and that is wonderful. Since the last year I have found a bunch of very friendly, interesting people through the internet. These people are friends for me. If there would be no internet anymore I would write letters with these people ( hopefully the would write back). But I have my friends and my family from the 'real' world too.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I used to think I was pretty patient.

      Ha! Think again. Not so much, I guess.

      I love the idea of carrying a library in your bag. :-)

      Delete
  17. What a wonderful post just to be a placeholder.We are in our windy season here also. Although, fortunately, we have had any "brown" days. I hope your closing date goes forward as scheduled.

    I am such a hermit that the internet actually increases my interactions with others. I hate talking on the phone. I do have piles and piles of cards I receive from various charities in exchange for donations. Maybe this weekend instead of checking up on social media I will sit down and send out cards to friends and family.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. The phone! Ha. I never pick up the phone willingly. We screen everyone all the time. I inherited this from my parents who--when we were kids--devised a series of "beeps" for us to cut through the wait for the phone message to click on--since they generally ignored (and still do) messages. :-D

      I will say being able to text has made me better about using phones. A little.

      Delete
  18. Amidst all the frustration, maybe having a writing project is a good distraction? I don't know, but I'm one of those annoying people who always try to find a silver lining. :p Of course, I cannot really grasp the magnitude of your problem not knowing your system of house purchasing, too spoiled by the convenience of the system in Hong Kong (see, silver lining when we cannot get real democracy). All I can do is send you my best wishes, Josh.

    So, without the Internet, I wouldn’t be reading your blog and posting my views here. But having a busy full-time job, I don’t really have the luxury to be addicted to it. Given the chance, I much prefer interacting with real people in good old ways. Your blog here is one of the few sites I visit quite frequently. I even leave messages here more frequently than on my FB page – this alone tells you how charismatic you are, Josh. :-) So cheer up. Things will turn out fine soon.

    Savanna

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    1. Good thoughts. :-)

      Without the internet we would not have ebooks, and that would certainly have changed all of our lives.

      Delete
  19. Without the internet I would have never started reading your books or M/M books and stumbled on enjoying your posts and the interesting conversations that follow, nobody I know reads M/M so this is the only way I have to enjoy other people's views.

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    1. Yes, when it comes to commerce, it's hard to picture life without the internet now. Even a world without ebooks now seems startling.

      Delete
  20. I just got back from 2 weeks in China, where they block Google-related sites, Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Yahoo (sometimes) and others. So I was forced off the internet for 2 weeks. I didn't miss it: I was able to focus on the traveling, my companions and (re)learning Chinese. I think I spend so much time on the internet because my real life can be quite boring--when my real life is an adventure, the internet becomes unnecessary for me.

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    1. Yes! It's hard to beat the internet for cheap, nearly free, amusement.

      I bet you had a fascinating time!

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    2. https://www.flickr.com/photos/ruby2andor

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    3. Oh WOW.

      Thank you for sharing. Those are amazing photos.

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