Friday, August 1, 2014

The Way it Was


What a great -- if weird -- week.

 

I finished off Fair Play last Thursday, and then I had about a week to catch up pretty much everything before I dive back into Boy With the Painful Tattoo this Monday. I am very eager to get back to Kit. When I left him, life was falling down around his ears as usual.

 

J.X. phoned.

“Hey, how’s it going?”

“It’s good. The sprinkler is repaired and I’m unpacking…everything. How was your flight?”

“I spent longer getting through security than in the air. Did you have trouble…” His voice seemed to dip and then I heard female laughter and noise in the background. J.X. said distantly, “Very funny, give me my phone, Samantha.”

Ah yes. Conferences. Networking. Socializing. Shenanigans. And more shenanigans. Shenanigans were how J.X. and I had met.

His voice came back on, loud and clear. “Sorry about that. Kit, I got a call from Nina. She sounded upset but I couldn’t understand what the problem was. I was thinking maybe if you went over there?”

“If I went over there…where? What? Where there are you talking about?”

“To Nina’s house. To see her. To see her and Gage.”

Nina was J.X.’s ex-wife. Gage was his nephew. J.X. had married Nina, his younger brother’s pregnant girlfriend, after Alex died in Iraq. He had done this for the sake of his very conservative family and her equally conservative family and the unborn kid. It was noble in a soap-opera-ish way, but it wasn’t the kind of nobility that I understood or approved of.

Also, though the gesture had been quixotic and J.X.’s feelings for Nina were platonic, the one time I’d met her -- over Christmas turkey -- had convinced me that Nina’s feelings were not so clear cut. Maybe not clear cut at all. She didn’t like me. J.X.’s parents didn’t like me either. Possibly for the same reason. And the kid, Gage, disliked me with all his little heart.

“And I would do that…why?”

“Because I can’t and you’re family. And…”

“And what?”

“And this would be a good chance for you to get to know them.”

I laughed though it came out sounding more winded than amused. “I hope you’re kidding because there is no way in hell I’m going over there. They can’t stand me. None of your family can stand me, and the last thing Nina wants is your gay boyfriend showing up.”

J.X. made an exasperated sound. “Kit, you’re family now. That’s important. A lot more important than whatever it is you’re thinking at this moment. I know it’s inconvenient and maybe a little awkward, but it’s also a perfect opportunity.”

I cannot pretend this little speech of J.X.’s did not irk the living hell out of me. So much so that I actually couldn’t speak for a few seconds.

“Kit?”

I managed to swallow my anger before I choked to death. “Putting aside my thoughts -- and feelings -- for a second, I am up to my ears in boxes. Yours included. We’ve got the furniture company delivering the bed this afternoon. We’ve got the satellite dish people arriving any minute. There is no food in this fucking house. So whatever this unspecified emergency is with your ex --”

“She’s not my ex.”

“Yeah, actually she is. And if she can’t spell out what the problem is for you, it’s a good bet I can’t solve it for her. Even if I had the time -- or inclination -- which I don’t.”

There was a pause before J.X. said grimly, “That’s pretty blunt.”

“Not really. Blunt would be to point out that we’re not family. We’re living together. And it may or may not work out.”

I’m not sure what his response was -- I’m sure he had one. I’d never known him to let me have the last word. But I got it by default that time. I hung up.

Then I tottered over to the nearest stool -- J.X.’s contribution to our kitchen furnishings were tall bachelor pad bar stools of leather and steel -- before my knees gave out. I was shaking with a crazy rush of anger and adrenaline and alarm.

Also shame. I was too old to be hanging up on people like an angry and inarticulate teenager.

Not my finest hour. Or even my finest one and a half minutes. But this was what I had been afraid of from the first. That we were going to commit to this madness and it wasn’t going to work out.

 

 

So that’s right where I left Kit about eight weeks ago.

 

I wanted, needed to make every minute of this break count because when I am writing everything else falls by the wayside: email, promotion, laundry, groceries…showering. Okay, I probably should not have admitted that last one.

 

It turned out to be a hugely productive break. I think I got more done in six days than I’d managed in six months. Anyway, I forget why, but I started sorting through boxes of old floppy disks. Originally I used to handwrite everything, and then when I learned to write directly to a PC, I used to print everything out (there went a forest or two), but eventually I got to the point when I used to write and save files on floppy disks alone. So boxes of disks -- apparently every revision got its own disk. There were all kinds of stories I’d forgotten about: the ubiquitous 3 - 7 chapters of various abandoned projects. I used to “get bored” with a story (meaning I’d hit the part where actual work was required) and drop it for the next brilliant idea. Even after I was a successfully published writer I still used to do that, which is so bizarre to me now. That lack of discipline.

 

But then I wasn’t trying to earn a living at writing. I could afford to abandon six out of every seven projects.

 

There was some very interesting stuff there, though I don’t know whether I’ll do anything with it. Then yesterday, someone was asking whether I’d ever blogged on Show vs. Tell. I was sure I had, but I went skimming through my old LiveJournal posts, and I didn’t spot anything. What I did notice was how much more time I used to have to blog and chat.

 

Those were enjoyable days -- chatting with readers and other writers about writing and books and publishing -- and whatever else caught my attention. It wasn’t merely the amount of free time I had to visit, it was also the amount of time I had to write thoughtful and reflective posts. I still blog and I still spend a lot of time interacting and chatting with readers, but I could see the difference.

 

This isn’t a bemoaning of the good old days. Everything changes and this seems to be a common pattern for writers. We extensively journal our initial experiences and our first literary forays -- look, I just invented the wheel!!! --  but then, if our careers take off, we get too busy writing to manage much more than brief but regular check-ins.

 

I don’t read the same way I used to either. It’s much harder for me to get through a book now days. It’s very hard to turn my writer brain off, so while I am trying to sink into the story, I am also considering how the writer is handling various elements -- versus how I would handle these elements. It’s easier with vintage stories for some reason, easier to turn off my analytical brain and just read like I used to.

 

Anyway, I have no idea what all this is in aid of. It’s not just me changing, LiveJournal has changed too. It’s not the vibrant, active community it once was. It’s interesting because we tend to believe that however things are at any given moment, is how they will always be. And yet we have plenty of evidence to the contrary. So often change is incremental, so we don't notice until we look back.

 

 

 

36 comments:

  1. Dear Josh! Now you've gotten me smiling absolutely foolishly and I can't stop either. :-D Thank you SO MUCH for this glimpse to TBWTPT! You and Kit made me laugh out loud several times there. I loved every word of the snippet and I adore every minute of this wonderful anticipation... however long it'll be. ;-)



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    1. You laughed?! O.O
      Jesus! (to quote a mutual friend^^) I thought my heart would stop! I was instantly drawn into Kit's mind and had such a intense emotional reaction as if I had been on the phone with J.X. myself.
      *takes deep breaths*
      That probably means that I just can't wait to get to read TBWTPT. :-D

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    2. I think my reaction fell somewhere in between. I want to shake Kit, gently of course, and hug him a lot, especially given his "in-laws"...But mostly i just have this smile on my face that's a bit at odds with the conversation that made my heart ache. I think mostly it means i really miss these guys :-)

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    3. Heh. Yes, absolutely, I did laugh out loud and in fact, I'm still grinning like a fool. :-) I found Kit's train of thought irresistibly hilarious and Kit-like. :-D

      What's wrong with me?! ;-)

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    4. KC wrote: "But mostly i just have this smile on my face that's a bit at odds with the conversation that made my heart ache. I think mostly it means i really miss these guys :-)"

      Yes, that! I'm so happy that we got to see a little snipet of them! I miss them too!
      Thank you, Josh, for letting us have a peek! _)

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    5. Ack...reading the exchange made me hurt. I wanted one of them to call back and 'make it better.' (lol. I am such a pre-school teacher) Luckily, I figure Josh will do just that, make it better somehow. Actually, though, I'm counting on it getting worse before that happens. :p

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    6. The first impulse I felt (imagining myself in Christopher's shoes) to pack my things up again and move out. (Can one move out if they aren't really moved in yet?) I can wait to see how it will be resolved. I (and Christopher) still have so much to learn. ;-)

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  2. Oh! I hadn't realised how much I missed Kit and J.X. till I read this excerpt. I can't wait to know what happens next! So intrigued!

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    1. Heh. Thank you. It goes downhill from here, I assure you.

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  3. I'm excited for letting us read an excerpt from Kit and JX. I love Kit and miss his childish annoyance. This series is fantastic. I'm glad you've been able to resume it. Kit and JX living together? that's awesome! Thank you

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    1. Well, to be honest, in this case I don't think Kit is TOTALLY off base. I would be hesitant about rushing over to the house of someone who I know hates me too. :-D

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  4. Thank you for the lovely teaser snippet! I missed Kit! (I hope J.X. will continue to be patient ;-))
    Have a wonderful weekend, dear Josh!

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  5. Josh wrote: " I used to “get bored” with a story (meaning I’d hit the part where actual work was required) and drop it for the next brilliant idea. "

    I'm so glad that I'm not the only one! ;-) I only now (a bit late) come to the insight that some/a lot of things require work over a longer time.
    A lot of the things you wrote about the writing process (not only in this post but in other articles on your blog and in GR) apply to any type of work. Mostly the first idea carries you only that far and to make the whole thing come into fruition you need hard work and perseverence. In regard to writing fiction, I think you can see that very clearly in some stories of different writers. The beginning is brilliant and inspired but after thirty or even fifty percent of the book the story suddenly falls flat. You get the very distinct notion that the author just didn't work out how to get from that first wonderful idea to some ending that makes any sense. ;-)

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    1. Yes! I think this is true with pretty much everything. First there is the excitement and energy borne of novelty. But THEN comes the slog. Because novelty wears off. And then it's down to work and commitment.

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  6. Jesus! ((to make Calathea and Johanna happy))

    Thank you for the excerpt, but maybe it could have been possible to choose a less intense scene. Although I suppose you did it deliberately...

    Anyway I'm looking forward to the book!

    Ciao

    Antonella

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    1. Jesus! ((to make Calathea and Johanna happy))

      :-D :-D :-D
      I am happy now.

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    2. It's almost exactly where I stopped writing. :-D It was quite difficult breaking off, as you can imagine. :-)

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  7. I have said to my partner today, that I would love to read one, two or three pages from Fair Play or the TBWTPT and voilà; thank you for this! I can understand Kit so good and would be there a.s.a.p.to provide support.
    I'm happy, who I am and where I am. But there was more time in my past, I have definitively more done alongside work. Journeys, long visits of friends, nights and nights of reading and discussing. I don't want to exchange this time, my time for the good old days, but you leaving me here a little bit melancholy!

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    1. Everything does change. That's the truth, and of course that's why it's important to appreciate every day for what it is. But somehow that doesn't seem to be human nature. :-)

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  8. Kit! Old buddy old pal, where have you BEEN??? :)

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  9. Well...my brain kinda stopped when you mentioned floppy disks, but that is neither here nor...technology changes just like our priorities and what is important at the time. The things I used to do, or even have time for, that today...yeah, not likely. But you don't need time to blog and chat...RIGHT. You just need to WRITE. Ok, I'll let you relax and enjoy yourself this weekend, but come Monday, back to Kit and J.X. Thank you for that little snippet of TBWTPT by the way. The more I read Kit, the more he reminds me of myself. (I would say exactly the same thing, Kit. Don't feel bad!)

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    1. Uh, Kit? I change my mind. It's ok to feel bad.

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  10. I love Kit. He's such an unapologetic curmudgeon! Thank you for the excerpt. You are right - sometimes things change so slowly that we don't notice until something triggers a memory and then we start thinking about how things used to be. When did everything change, and why didn't I notice? How did I *not* notice? Intellectual evolution is sneaky!

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    1. True. So much of change happens incrementally, but when we do finally notice, it seems drastic.

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  11. Thanks for the great excerpt. I luv how you put your characters through the wringers in an angsty, funny, quirky and aww moment kinda way. Looking forward to the novel coming. Enjoy the rest of your summer.

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    1. Thank you, Sarian. Yes, I think poor Kit is definitely on his way to the mangler. :-D

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  12. Thanks for the extract of Kit and JX, I liked much to read something of them, can not wait to know what happens next. I love Kit :-)

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  14. hola, recien me han guiado a este lugarcito y aprovecho la oportunidad para agradecerle tantas horas tan felices que he disfrutado leyendo sus obras.
    Soy una lectora en español ( mi unico idioma) pero he logrado acceder a algunos de sus trabajos y en esta ocasión, aprovecho este momento para felicitarle y enviarle un cordial saludo. me despido deseandole el mayor de los éxitos y ojala que siga compartiendo su talento para con nosotros.

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  15. Err... I don't know what J.X. was thinking, sending Kit to deal with a family issue and he won't even be there with him! Personally, I refuse to deal with in-laws on my own - I thought that's an unspoken agreed term, no? ;-)

    Thanks for the little glimpse, I can see Kit is funny and grumpy as ever. Fab!

    Sometimes I miss the "simple" blogging days too. Or those early days of "Newsgroup", remember those? Now having a LJ account is considered as weird :-)

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  16. hola me encantan sus libros y quiero decirle que son muy buenos espero que podamos disfrutar de ellos mucho tiempo mas apoyo totalmente las traducciones que se hacen al español y le doy las gracias por el permiso de poder hacerlas para que estas personas puedan seguir realizándolas gracias

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  17. Brother not only are all your books awesome but DUDE you're seriously beautiful too. talent and looks, I'd be jealous but I'm to grateful for the great reads. Kudos mate :) ~Ashe

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  18. ah ya in addendum to my anonymous post [ ya ya i forgot my account PW , heh] IDC what you write, just write. I think you could even make telephone books interesting. kudos

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