In my darkest hours.
Not that I really have so many darkest hours. But then dark is relative, isn't it?
Anyway, I need to remind myself of this moment for the inevitable Woe Iz Moe -- wait, Moi -- moments.
It is 7:15 on a Monday morning.
It is May. It is pouring rain. And the big question today is will I give in to the SO, who wants to go see Iron Man 3, or will I work on the sequel to Ill Met By Moonlight which is due...whenever I finish it.
And the reason I need to remember and focus on this is, because like all people (artists, but especially writers) I imagine that there is really a right answer to this, that someone is keeping score and maybe knocking me down a point or two...
No, that's not the real answer. The real answer is I worked hard to get to this point, this point of doing what I love for a living, and having got here there is a nervous feeling of...why should I get to do what I want for a living? I am only too conscious of the fact that most people don't get to do what they want for a living. (And how messed up in life is that?) And if they do get to do what they want, they can't actually earn a living.
None of which changes the fact that I am drinking Irish coffee while the rain pours down and the big question of the day is do I need to focus on the work I love or do I get to -- need to -- take a day off?
Remember this, Josh. Remember this moment. It is life. The very life of life.